Instagram star Lindsey Pelas recently made a Vlog for Cosmopolitan called "11 Big Boob Problems". Lindsey shared the '11 most annoying problems that girls with big boobs have to deal with everyday' with, it has to be said, a little Schadenfreude.
Apparently Lindsey can't:
wear 'regular' clothes without looking vulgar;
do up the third button on a blouse;
exercise without people staring;
find a bra that fits;
wear a long necklace;
wear a cross body bag;
or even buckle a seatbelt.
She also has a hard time:
eating without getting food stuck in her cleavage;
keeping her boobs sweat-free;
and proving to unbelievers that she hasn't had a boob job!
Well, Lindsey is funny, and the video light-hearted, so we've responded by recognising that one girl's boobsome botherations are another's perky pros. Taking each of Lindsey's 'problems' we list how a busty girl's poison is her flat-chested friend's meat...;-)
So, flatter followers, take heart!
1. You are never going to have to 'hold the girls' as you lean forward. Your 'girls' are independent and perfectly capable of looking after themselves! You can be proud of this 'stand alone spirit'.
2. Have you ever worried, like Lindsey, about looking 'porny' in your normal clothes? Nope. Because a flatter-chested body has 'class' stamped all over it. (Apologies Lindsey, but... not gonna lie - mwahahahahaa!)
3. Blouses with buttons? You can do them all up without thinking about gaping, popping or exploding. No dramas here, just bra-free confidence. (Is there a smug emoticon?)
4. Bouncing and attracting unwanted attention during exercise? Not at all. Your chest has impeccable manners and an unimposing presence. Its well trained, darling.
5. Problems finding a bra that 'works'? Well, you don't need to wear one, so this problem evaporates like dew on a summer's morning...(or bra strap indentations from your skin once you've removed the damn thing in the evening).
6. Boob sweat? Cleavage deoderant? Glistening crevices are beyond your experience (ahem). Yours ride high and dry at all times. Minimum effort, maximum results, we like to think.
7. No-one has ever assumed you've had a boob job. Ever.
8. Long necklaces hang freely and easily down your front, perfectly displayed. They never 'get lost' deep in cleavage and masquerade as 'a key chain for your nipples'.
9. You've never had food stuck in between breasts. (Unless you're talking about the times you've used a bra to store the odd cheese sandwich. Bras have some uses).
10. Cross body bag? Well of course. Of. Course.
11. You can buckle a seat belt. No delay. No fuss. No problem.
Thank you Lindsey, bosum buddy, for the laughs and the inspiration to develop an Attitude of Gratitude for our smaller boobs.
Chief Freedom Fighter